Some people are more naturally fearless than others. For the rest of us, it is a learned 'way of being'. Many of my clients ask, how do I grow my confidence to speak from the stage? to take bigger risks in my career? to run a marathon or even around the block for the first time? I always answer, "Do it scared."
Yesterday we were put to the test.
We had a family whitewater rafting adventure. My fear-less ten year old daughter Savvy was scared. She mutterred from the back of the boat, "Can we die? What if we flip?" Her mind was fixated on all that could go wrong.
"Focus on what you want, not on what you don't want", I coached back to her.
She wasn't buy'in it.
We cause ourselves unnecessary anxiety when we focus on the wrong things. Sure, things can go wrong. But they can also very easily go right! Especially when we are focused. I wasn't giving up on coaching her through this.
At our lunch stop I shared with her my comparisons with scuba-diving. I love to dive, but it freaks me out. When I'm 60 feet under water, I hypnotize myself to focus on all that is beautiful and miraculous about the experience, not the sharks that could possibly be lurking around the next rock.
I don't want to miss out just because I'm scared!! That motto goes for everything I want to experience in life- with business opportunites, relationships, fitness adventures.
There seems to be much popularity in women being fearless. We love those words of confidence on magazine fronts and IG memes. They are snappy and sexy! But do they force us into imposter syndrome? True self development is not faking it, but becoming it. Being willing to take those fiery steps even though you may be scared. Nelson Mandela said, "I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave (wo)man is not he (or she) who does not feel afraid, but he (or she) who conquers that fear."
Her worst thought did come true.
The force of the water innundated us and she was swept out and under the fierce water along with her Auntie Jeanette.
My heart dropped into my stomach. Immediately my mama bear instinct came out as I flipped around to be sure she was okay. My first thought was "stay calm, don't panic."
We are much more efficient and productive when we respond rather than react. Doing so requires us to slow down and train ourselves to focus.
She was in the water as if alone. Auntie was experiencing her own topsy-turvy moment. My husband Troy immediately jumped from the boat. As he swam near he said, "I told you I'd be here for you." (Can I get a hooray for that irreplaceable Daddy-trust?)
Savvy now has this thing called 'experience'. She also gained the understanding of what it means to be brave. From that, I know she'll develop new confidence. We don't earn those important life skills by watching from the shore.
You can see in these pictures the terrifying fun we all had. Screams, laughter, and the anxious anticipation for what's ahead, but notice this...
No one got out of the boat.
Are you willing to get in the raft and have an adventure? Perhaps it's a decision to work with a favorite coach, get certified in a new skill, move to a new city or raise your fees?
These 3 simple mindset strategies will help you achieve your vision.
- Trust the Vision: Follow through on the next step, even though you are scared.
- Stay focused on what can go right.
- Develop trust with key people: Surround yourself with those that will guide and support you.
A big thank you to our awesome guide Alex at High Desert River Outfitters